Miss Clearwaters Diary
by sweetyuk
Summary: Penelope Clearwaters Diary of cheating on Percy, her guilt, fustration, love, hurt...
1. Honesty

I always thought that Percy would be my first, one and only love, the person I'd spend the rest of forever with. We always seemed to have such a connection, I know deep down he thought that nobody knew him like I did, that nobody understood him except me, I now know that what he thought of me was wrong. I didn't know him, I didn't understand him, The connection we had was nothing, nothing in comparison to the other, him? Who's he you ask? I'd rather not say right now, as the guilt is still fresh, the echo in Percy voice still clear as I told him, the tears that streamed down his face and mine as I begged forgiveness and cried my sorrys for us.  
  
"Percy. I. I didn't want it to turn out this way. I'm sorry." I remember sobbing to him, reaching out for his hand so that he could feel my sorry, but he pushed me away, with a force unlike I'd ever seen him use before, normaly so gentle and considerate.  
  
"Penelope, were nothing now" He said trying to remain composed, a waver in his serious tone as he spoke "I thought you were capable of a lot more in life Penelope, a lot better than. than. him" He almost spat, I could feel the anger inside me well, but remained calm and listened to what I deserved. Percy's 'lecture'.  
  
"I still care for you Percy, I just." I couldn't look him in the eye, not at all for I knew as soon as I look up and into those deep brown eyes, the eyes I once though I could stare into for eternity, my heart would melt with sorrow and I would beg for forgiveness and forget my other love.  
  
"But him! I thought you of all people could spot a decent person Penelope" He called me Penelope, not Penny as he usually did, my nickname, the name that let me know that his heart belong to me, this as well as the disgust in his voice made me loose all hope, Percy was the one I turned to, my rock, my stability, the person I relied on for everything and anything, and now he was disgusted. "Don't worry I won't interfere with you 'new' relationship, god forbid I will every have to see it in action, It won't last long Penelope. You of course know that don't you?" He muttered in a matter of fact tone. "Oh what have you done?"  
  
I hung my head, I didn't know what to say anymore, I finaly brought myself to look at his freckle born face and deep brown eyes, the face I once cherished. The guilt almost unbearable as I noticed Percy glance over my shoulder and his expression change, half and smirk and half disgust one I will not forget in a long time as somebody entered the room. 


	2. Sweet nothings

George Weasley. Why did I have to fall for George Weasley of all people? His brother. It wasn't just that. I don't even want to go into George and his reputation. One of the last things Percy said to me that night was. "I never thought of you as George's type. One of Georges girls." I felt awful. Of course all of what he was saying was true. How many girls he'd got on the go, I didn't even want to know. But the feeling he gave me. The night I knew.  
  
That night, Percy was unwell. So I went to visit, apparated into the Weasleys garden, where George was. He was bearing a pair of low-slung jeans and a tee bearing some muggle rock band. An air of confidence about the way he strode over, a smile spread across his face.  
  
"Hey Sweet." He just had to whisper something like that and I'd go weak at the knees. I just gave a weak smile and continued up to the house, until he grabbed my arm forcefully, a shiver running through my arm. "Please don't ignore me Penny." His voice almost sounded hurt. I felt awful, I had feelings for George even then, starting before that night even, weeks before when we first kissed. Well I say we. I mean him. He kissed me. I don't deny I didn't push him away like I should have. Or that it meant nothing. It meant something; he knew that, I knew that. I gave him a stern look and made my excuses.  
  
"George. please, not tonight, Percy's unwell" I shot him a look, a look that told him I cared, but that he should wait. Oh how that didn't happen. The next thing I knew, I was sitting under the stars with him at the end of the garden, me straddling his lap as he stroked the hair from my eyes, brushing my cheeks lightly with the back of his hand, whispering softly in my ear and he planted soft spine tingling kisses along my neck. "I need to tell Percy, George" I moaned lightly. I got no answer.  
  
That leads me back to where I was, telling Percy, and now George is standing on one side of me, Percy on the other. Neither of them spoke.  
  
"You can't ignore him Percy, he's your brother" I muttered, still sobbing slightly, as George slipped his arm around me, I pulled away, feeling uncomfortable in front of Percy still. Percy gave a disgusted look to me and then over to George.  
  
"I don't care! Be one of George's little girls. It doesn't effect me" I did, I saw it in his eyes as he gave George a penetrating stare. He stormed out of the room, me breaking down on the sofa and George kneeling down next to me, trying to say some words of encouragement.  
  
"It's okay, Penny." He whispered. It didn't feel okay. 


	3. The ball

What happened to us, me and Percy? I remember our fifth year at Hogwarts, we were very much each other's best friends, always together, weather it was studying or going into Hogsmede together at the weekend. I realised that he had a problem with us when he'd never hold my hand in public, blushed profoundly when we were around people, I think the torture he imagined his family would give was enough to put him off public affection.  
  
Still, I feel as guilty as hell. Weather we were fading out or not, doesn't excuse what I did.  
  
Percy had just stormed out and I was there slumped on his sofa, my head in my hands, George by my side. 'George by my side' isn't that what I wanted after all? Yes. and to this day he still is, for different reasons though. He might still love me, but it's not as obvious, I know that for sure. Things changed after that afternoon. They changed a lot.  
  
I realise, weather I love George or not, he's 16 years old. Keeping him faithful was going to be difficult; he's not like how Percy was at his age. Percy was very much studious in his ways, sensible and very much monogamous, as he still is. George, I hate to say it was everything Percy was not, in good ways and bad. As I found out the night of the Yule ball in my last year at Hogwarts, a few months after telling Percy about George and me.  
  
Dressed up neatly, Smart navy ball gown and matching robes. My auburn hair in neat ringlets framing my face and scattering my shoulders. George wasn't expecting me, that was obvious for sure. I'd been ill, and wasn't expecting to go. In the end I gave up lying in bed feeling sorry for myself and perked myself up with a potion so I could go. I was late and I wish I hadn't gone at all now.  
  
Katie Bell.  
  
He was all over her, like a rash, his face wide and smiling as he stood in a dark corner with her. Planting his stolen kisses over her neck. He must have seen me run from the hall, because a few minutes later he found me. Sitting outside on the front steps up to the castle, a tear or two falling from my blurred eyes. He put a hand on my shoulder, I pushed it away hastily.  
  
"What. What. was that George?" I stuttered, trying not to show my upset, though the tears gave it away. He shrugged, reached forward and pulled a curl from my view his hand brushing my cheek, making it tingle.  
  
"It meant nothing Penny" He stayed quiet for a minute and looked away. Took a deep breath and lifted my gaze to his eyes.  
  
"You made a fool of me George Weasley." I sobbed. I couldn't think of anything else to say. I was filled with anger and upset, but the look he gave me made all those feelings melt away. I couldn't help it, I stood up next to him and gave a weak smile, close to him, pressing my lips against his. The fact that we were outside, and the ball was still going on didn't stop us. It was the first time, out there, the cold breeze blowing past our cheeks cooling us down. Pushed up against the wall by him, caught up in the moment. Nobody caught us.  
  
I feel stupid about it now. Minutes before Katie had occupied his mind, and then it was me he'd got pushed up against the wall, giving him what he wanted. 


	4. Unexpected

"Your so beautiful." He whispered when it was over. Everything felt perfect. He had that way about him, he'd just say something so simple like that and I'd forgive him for anything. I was nieve. That night ruined everything. Though the rest of the night was perfect. After the ball, spending the night in the sixth year boys dormitory, Georges bed bewitched to seal in all sounds, giggles and suppressed moans we made. How in love I felt.  
  
I'd forgotten all about the incident with Katie after that. Until I was on my way to finding George, needing to tell him something. He was in the library. 'studying' with Katie, giggling together, I could even see there feet under the table, very much entwined.  
  
"George." I said quietly. He was shocked.  
  
"Oh. Penny love" He smiled and got up from his seat, making his excuses to Katie and grabbing his things, to walk with me. We went outside, in the cool Febuary air, he took my hand. I looked up at him, afraid to say what I had to.  
  
"Were-having-a-baby-George" I said not taking a breath, watching his facial expressions eagerly. He gave me a dumb look. " Sorry" I hung my head, and gave a sigh. He squeezed my hand and let out an sigh. "I know you don't need this crap George. So I'd" I took a deep breath. "I'd. understand if you want nothing to do with me."  
  
I had to give it to him. He was mature, almost Percy like about the whole thing. "Why would I want to leave you Pen?" He whispered, and took me into a huge hug. "You mean everything to me!" As he said this, I wanted to ask him, how, if he cared so much, why flaunt himself around Katie and half the female population of the school. 


	5. Discovery

Keeping it a secret was awful, I got paranoid and was sure everybody could tell, until one day I was sure of it. It was in the Summer holidays, since most of my own family weren't around anymore, Mrs Weasley invited me round to join their family for some of the holidays. At least by then Percy acknowledged my existence again and occasionally answered back when I spoke to him.  
  
"You're looking well love, not quite as thin as you used to be eh?" Mrs Weasley beamed pleasantly trying to make conversation across the dinner table. Percy must have spotted my nervous mumble and the way my cheeks flushed red, or even that George realised why I'd gone quiet and reached his hand over to squeeze mine reassuringly under the table. I know this because of later that night. I was sitting out in the garden alone, my scarf wrapped tightly around me, looking up at the stars my hand resting delicately over my seven months worth of a bump.  
  
"Is there something your going to tell me?" I turned around in surprise as he spoke. Percy. Standing over me, then crouched down besides me to sit on the damp grass. I didn't answer him, but he looked over at my stomach. "Your." He cleared his throat and lowered the volume of his voice. "You're having a baby?" It sounded more of a statement than a question.  
  
I looked away but nodded.  
  
"Oh Penny." He trailed off; I could see the way he was looking at me from the corner of his eye. Looking at me with sympathy.  
  
"Don't feel sorry for me Percy, there's no need," I muttered shortly. I didn't want his sympathy weather I needed it or not. He didn't reply, but sat there still, he pushed his glasses further up his nose and continued to look from the stars to me, then took a deep breath, reaching up to my cheek and stroking it lightly with his hand, not saying anything. I pulled away a little. "I thought you hated me" I said bluntly, shifting away slightly, looking at him.  
  
He shook his head slowly. "Penelope. I don't hate you." As he spoke he kept looking down to my obvious bump. "You've got me all wrong" He paused for a moment. "You'll have to tell my mother you know?" He looked back up at the sky and then added. "Who's is it?"  
  
I felt horrible. I just wanted to get up and run away. How dare he even ask? I could see no point in arguing or even leaving. "George's of course" I said quietly, looking at him with slight disbelief that he actually asked that. He nodded.  
  
"Of course. Just making sure" Typically Percy, defending his words. There was a long silence, and then he spoke again. "He's only 16, your only 17, how will you cope?" He said almost desperately. That was it, I pulled myself up with great difficulty and started to walk away. "Penny. I. Sorry, I shouldn't have." I turned around.  
  
"Percy! You have no right to question how me and George will cope with our baby, no right at all" I had shouted too loud. Mrs Weasley was standing behind me, her face slightly red, George behind her giving Penny a reassuring look. 


End file.
